wyd

In California, plans were a lot more casual than in New York—and I miss that. I miss last minute "wyd?" texts on a Friday night. Just grabbing dinner, chilling at someone's place, maybe wandering somewhere with no real agenda. There was something freeing about that low-pressure, come-as-you-are vibe.

I moved from New York to California during the early days of Covid and was struck by how different social plans felt. In New York, I was used to planned dinners and walks and coffee dates, but CA was so much more laid back. Friends cycled in and out of my apartment without real plans, and we simply lounged around together. It was so NICE. This was partly due to Covid (many local businesses were still closed), but not entirely and I haven’t found a way to invite it back into my life since coming home to New York.

- Kate Citron

Overall, casual plans resonate with me and here are my reasons why:

• Casual plans signal intimacy. When a friend invites me to a spontaneous hangout, it means there’s mutual comfort. There’s no need to impress, no pressure to host a “perfect” evening. No spotless apartment or gourmet snacks—just vibes. That kind of ease speaks volumes about the strength of a friendship.
• Casual plans reflect genuine inner-circle energy, especially for introverts. For introverts, last-minute plans require a high level of trust and emotional closeness. Why? If someone is willing to break from their routine or give up their night to see me on a whim, it tells me I’m a part of their inner world. What do I mean by I'm part of their inner world? I'm borrowing some framing from MBTI here. For introverts, extroversion takes energy—it can be draining to spend time with others, even people they like. But there are certain people in an introvert’s life who feel different. They’re part of the introvert’s inner world, which means it’s not draining at all to be around them. For example, an introvert might feel totally relaxed around their partner. It takes no energy. It doesn’t even feel like extroverting—it just feels like being. I’ll call out my friend Ray here, because I first noticed this effect when I was hanging out with him. When I hang out with Ray, I’m at ease. There’s no effort, no need to be “on.” (It's like I'm by myself, in the best way, LOL.) That's why he makes such a great travel buddy for me—when you travel, you’re around someone constantly, and not everyone’s energy is easy to be around that much.
• Casual plans are more aligned with how you actually feel in the moment. When plans are made weeks in advance, your energy might shift by the time they arrive. What once sounded fun can start to feel like an obligation. But spontaneous plans are born from the energy of that day—you say yes because you genuinely want to. Thus, there’s less performance and less pressure.

Of course, intentional, pre-planned events have their place. In particular, when events are planned and on the calendar, you won't accidentally miss spending time together, and spending time together is what leads to closeness. And I don't want to leave closeness to chance.